Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Breaking up is hard to do

I've tried a number of posts about the vicissitudes of breaking up but I can't seem to spit them out without sounding monumentally self-pitying. Naturally, this isn't hard because it does absolutely really suck. As far as I can see, the best thing anyone can do is try not to shoot themselves in the foot till things get better (I've been sorely tempted), but getting things better is a mysterious and elusive process.

Things I've found don't particularly help: helpful advice, judgments about the other person, accusations that if you're still sad after (insert randomly assigned length of time here) then you're clearly in need of help, suggestions you should fuck/fall in love with/date someone new as soon as possible to take your mind off and getting hit on (so not there yet). There's no rule book - even if a good selection of the world seem to think there is. Until this break-up I was one of the advice-giving majority. How vividly I've seen the error of my ways. And how grateful I am that girlfriends who've been through similar scenarios have been on hand to forgive previous insensitivities on my part and reiterate that "you're going to feel like crap for ages - and you can't get out of it, so stop trying".

Oddly one other thing I've found quite helpful has been exes. I'm on fairly good terms with the majority of mine, and seeing them reminds me that it is indeed possible to get past a break-up and on to happier terms with one's previous paramours. And, inevitably, that break-ups are usually for a reason. However difficult that is to assimilate at the time.

And of course, there's the inevitable existential crises to navigate, decisions about the future to make and a whole raft of stuff that, really, I'd just as soon forget about. But after a while it takes more energy to avoid life than it does to live it. So that's what I'm doing - taking the path of least resistance and stumbling on. Is that winning? I guess it's near enough.

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